Chaos or Christ

Chaos comes in many negative often violent, sinful forms look at all the destruction from so called protests of Trumps inaguration ,,,,,,, when really it's Satan causing many to have violent temper tantrums that destroyed buildings that from what I heard supported Hilary Clinton (not sure if I understand that logic )  I have so much respect for those who are peacefuly keeping their noses clean by only sharing their feelings about Trump with a small handful of peaceful people..
I myself was neither a Clinton or Trump fan but that dosn't matter anymore.
The truth is TRUMP is now our president.......my choice was Carson or Cruz but neither made it.
Whether I like Trump I as an American citizen and a Christian have to respect him and give him a chance to try to repair what I see as damage to out country..
I have had to learn to respect Obama even though he made many choices that made me cringe......took a while but with Gods help I did.
I will do the same for Trump !!!
Why because I choose Christ and even though Trumps personality and mouth has made me get self righteous and question his Christianity.
I have heard one slander against Pence and there was no proof to back that rumor up,just someone trying to attack his character........could it be because he is a Christian ...I don't know.
For those who liked Hilary and I will give her the credit for having more class than Trump did.. I am sorry for you that she didn't win .
For me she did not line up with many core values that i hold myself and this country to . Trump dosn't line up to all of them either but he does some.
But so what I am not going to call Hilary supporters bad names or hate them....truth be known I am married to one but thats ok I can respect that and when he feels the need to talk politics ext on the phone with friends that makes me uneasy .......I know to go into my office and turn on my favorite music . Simple as that.
I won't go out smash his car or the tv or smash  windows ext .  I will just learn and continue to learn to love him unconditionally as Christ does.
Christ is a God of love for the most part yes he and God  can and does discipline sin.......I know I have been on the receiving end of his discipline....not fun.
But if we blatantly and openly reject him as God and his son as Lord and Savior and do satans biding how do we not expect Gods punishment...
You can tell me science proves there is no God but I can with the bible counteract that  there are a lot of holes in books written bye Karl Sagan and Bill Nye and any other evilution ,Big Bang theory that can be proven.
This is why I choose Christ instead of Satan's Chaos


 

Medicine for my soul

A life worth living

It has been a few months since i have posted and my roller coaster of a life has been just that. I had a nervous break down on Sept 9th and wound up in the hospital for six days. It is easy to get caught up in the roller coaster of life and I did just that I allowed myself to forget who I was in Christ and fell into the pit of despair, start to blame God for my current circumstances and that is what i started to do and began to go to that dark place and let the devil tell me it was time for me to ...yes end a life that wasn't mine. I knew from the start that i would be destroying more than one life that not only did I have two children that needed me even though (I don't get too see them much) I developed a long list of friends and family that i knew i would have to answer to but most of all reminded myself that Jesus and God would be the ones I would have to answer to first and for most. I have done a lot of soul searching.repenting,purging and surrendering to God over the past couple of months and am back to seeing myself worth in a stronger powerful light. While I may not be able to be there for my children right now I can be there to help someone else children and other parents as well. Bitterness and hate has no place in my heart right now just love and forgiveness towards those who took my Children. I do not envy there job it's hard to make the right decisions sometimes in it and they wind up hurting the ones they are supposed to help more than helping. I rather feel sorry for them because they never did got to see the good years and times we had with our children and I often pray they make the right decisions instead they saw the destructive side of my kids and over looked our efforts to try to help them and get them the help that only poor people like us could afford. Oh one of them told me that they had 4 kids and understood what we were going through..um sorry no they didn't none of her kids were special needs..and yes we were lied to and tricked into signing my daughter into the "temporary custody " of my daughter only to find out it was partianl later on. Could it be that we could have tried to sue ! Yes !!! but they have their word against ours since we weren't able to record it properly........am I bitter towards these ladies ? I was but God allowed me to see that by letting their miss deeds or wrong doings bother me to the point of bitterness and hate I was giving them power and control over me. So a couple a months a go I wrote them a letter telling them that I could not let them control me and let them destroy whats left of my life and that I was going to use their miss deeds to help others and in essence become a stronger person I ended the letter telling them I FORGAVE them. Friend if you so happen to stumble on this somehow not that forgiveness is a powerful thing it is so freeing. Do I miss my children? !! Deeply and dearly . Does my heart ache ? YES a hundred times over. Have I blamed myself ? Yes at times then I realize that gives the powers that be control over me and destroys me not them. What purpose does Hate serve ???

Lord I Thank You

Lord I thank you for the blood That you shed on Calvery And I thank you for your love As you gave your life for me You have forgiven me You have set my heart free And I will praise you Lord For Eternity Lord I thank you for your word That you freely give to me As I struggle through each day Lord I know your stregth I'll see Help me Lord to hold your hand When trials come Lord I know your face I see. Lord I thank you for the things That you always do for me I will give my life to you And bless your holy name Show me Lord your perfect will Lead me in your steadfast way Thank you Lord for everything That you have done for me Thank you Lord for everything That you have done for me. "This is a song I wrote during one of the many turbulent times in my life .

Bill & Gloria Gaither - Something Beautiful [Live] ft. Gaither Vocal Band

My Matt Man is at it again.

Autism stinks and OCD and whatever else my son may have . His aggression has become so bad that he beats the kids and the staff up on a daily basis at his group home and just this morning broke a car window.........yet my kids stupid insurence company thinks that having both my kids together in a group home geared for teenagers is a good idea.grrr. I hate the fact that their group home is an hour and a half a way from us but even if we could visit every day there is nothing we can do. My son beats up on us (mostly my husband) because he tries to protect everyone......when we go see him but he has cold cocked me in the head and kneck which seem to be the easiest places for him to reach,seeing as I am way shorter now than my husband and kids. It sucks to say that I am afraid of my own son and miss the old him terribly..do I love him stil ? Yes deeply but I have found myself disassociating from him at times. Easy to do when you see yourself and others get hurt all the time. I know there are other parents out there that feel the same way and feel hopeless and helpless. I do appreciate the staff there at the home for doing their best to try to help my son but I wonder how long before they themselves have to somehow give up on him...for their safety but most of all the other kids safety. There is one teen there in particular that is easy to fall in love with...I will call him A . A wants to be his friend he is the type of kid that wants to be every ones friend he is so sweet and gentle hearted,yet Matt won't recipicate...I am not sure Matt knows how to or wants to. Something inside my son just makes him tick the wrong way. He was like this long before he was taken from us and we were actually starting to look for a group home for him. He seemed to be doing well for the first 4 months or so when he was at a facility but the facility was a temporary place for violent adults but my son is only 16. It is very heart wrenching...I am trying to remember the younger years before he turned violent and cherish thos moments and may share some of the funny ones sometime.....so hold on to your hats this blog will have some funny wit to it at times. I do have a wacky sense of humor and may posts clean Godly jokes as well. If you hate politics and need to escape from it then stick with my blog. I ABHOR POLItics and that is all I will say about that.

Mental Illness and it's stigma

Hi my name is Holly Hobbie and I am not crazy or insane....that is often the stigma people like me,my friend s,V,B,S, T,D, and many others struggle with. Over the years and 4 nervous break downs later I have been diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder.PTSD(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)and Boarderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I was doing reasonably well from 2009 until I crashed the week of Sept 9th and landed in a psych ward. Though it has been a few short weeks and I am still feeling a little off at least destructive urges are almost diminished to just their usual (BPD) thoughts which is a good thing, If it wasn't for the fact that Jesus is my Lord and Savior there is no doubt I would have totally took a life I know deep down inside wasn't mine to take. He has saved my life so many times and has helped me form a healthy list of support people in my life.....not an easy thing to want to follow when your mind is so consumed or was so consumed with death and destruction at times. I am opening myself way up on here because I hope to be of encouragement to those who are struggling with mental illness,grief and heart ache as I have been . One may wonder what can make someone so low that they have or want to or are destructive, I have been told that everything that has happened to me over the past 43 yrs of my life is because of a sinful heart and lack of trusting in God. BULL HOCKEY!!! is what I say to those who claim that over me. Yes I have sin in my life from time to time....I'm not perfect haven't met anyone that is. But I have also been saved and cleansed by Gods saving grace and do my best to ask Christ forgiviness every day. I know that God loves me and is a forgiving God to those who ask for it. Truth is is God created all of us and loves the sinner but hates the sin as the cliche goes...It does NOT give us the right to sin though. I believe that a majority of my depression stems from not only circumstances but also because of physical health issues ...Like a messed up thyroid which is what I have. So in short I am praying for people who stumble upon this to have compassion for those of us who struggle sometimes silently with these disorders and many more like Schizophrenia and other mental health disorders and if you believe in prayer to the one true God then pray for us. These illnesses can be treated though not always affordable in some peoples minds. Some insurances do suck but I do believe and this is what is going to get me "crucified " that it is .... at least there is some form of help out there for everyone whether it be spiritual medical or financial....just some people don't know how or are afraid to reach out for it and give up and do foolish things such as murder ext. I know and have had people argue with me that there are many "woman as well as men "in abusive relationships that can't get the help and to some degree I agree with that, but I know of others who have risked their lives and are doing well because they were able to get out of that abusive relationship by finding a way to contact a safe place or person. Some it has taken years to find a positive way out I realize that and am proud of your couragous spirits. I encourage you abusers as well to take a good look at yourselves your pasts, and the way you treat others seek counseling before you wind up hurting or even killing someone worse than you may already have. I have been a victim but now a survivor of all kinds of abuse from people like you and want to plead with you to seek help before you destroy more than just yourself once you destroy a life be it physically ,emotionally,verbally you will never get it back or be able to fully keep it.....maybe you might think you can physically but someday we will all stand before God and answer for our actions and loose whatever or whomever you supposedly value