Lord I Thank You

Lord I thank you for the blood That you shed on Calvery And I thank you for your love As you gave your life for me You have forgiven me You have set my heart free And I will praise you Lord For Eternity Lord I thank you for your word That you freely give to me As I struggle through each day Lord I know your stregth I'll see Help me Lord to hold your hand When trials come Lord I know your face I see. Lord I thank you for the things That you always do for me I will give my life to you And bless your holy name Show me Lord your perfect will Lead me in your steadfast way Thank you Lord for everything That you have done for me Thank you Lord for everything That you have done for me. "This is a song I wrote during one of the many turbulent times in my life .

Bill & Gloria Gaither - Something Beautiful [Live] ft. Gaither Vocal Band

My Matt Man is at it again.

Autism stinks and OCD and whatever else my son may have . His aggression has become so bad that he beats the kids and the staff up on a daily basis at his group home and just this morning broke a car window.........yet my kids stupid insurence company thinks that having both my kids together in a group home geared for teenagers is a good idea.grrr. I hate the fact that their group home is an hour and a half a way from us but even if we could visit every day there is nothing we can do. My son beats up on us (mostly my husband) because he tries to protect everyone......when we go see him but he has cold cocked me in the head and kneck which seem to be the easiest places for him to reach,seeing as I am way shorter now than my husband and kids. It sucks to say that I am afraid of my own son and miss the old him terribly..do I love him stil ? Yes deeply but I have found myself disassociating from him at times. Easy to do when you see yourself and others get hurt all the time. I know there are other parents out there that feel the same way and feel hopeless and helpless. I do appreciate the staff there at the home for doing their best to try to help my son but I wonder how long before they themselves have to somehow give up on him...for their safety but most of all the other kids safety. There is one teen there in particular that is easy to fall in love with...I will call him A . A wants to be his friend he is the type of kid that wants to be every ones friend he is so sweet and gentle hearted,yet Matt won't recipicate...I am not sure Matt knows how to or wants to. Something inside my son just makes him tick the wrong way. He was like this long before he was taken from us and we were actually starting to look for a group home for him. He seemed to be doing well for the first 4 months or so when he was at a facility but the facility was a temporary place for violent adults but my son is only 16. It is very heart wrenching...I am trying to remember the younger years before he turned violent and cherish thos moments and may share some of the funny ones sometime.....so hold on to your hats this blog will have some funny wit to it at times. I do have a wacky sense of humor and may posts clean Godly jokes as well. If you hate politics and need to escape from it then stick with my blog. I ABHOR POLItics and that is all I will say about that.

Mental Illness and it's stigma

Hi my name is Holly Hobbie and I am not crazy or insane....that is often the stigma people like me,my friend s,V,B,S, T,D, and many others struggle with. Over the years and 4 nervous break downs later I have been diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder.PTSD(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)and Boarderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I was doing reasonably well from 2009 until I crashed the week of Sept 9th and landed in a psych ward. Though it has been a few short weeks and I am still feeling a little off at least destructive urges are almost diminished to just their usual (BPD) thoughts which is a good thing, If it wasn't for the fact that Jesus is my Lord and Savior there is no doubt I would have totally took a life I know deep down inside wasn't mine to take. He has saved my life so many times and has helped me form a healthy list of support people in my life.....not an easy thing to want to follow when your mind is so consumed or was so consumed with death and destruction at times. I am opening myself way up on here because I hope to be of encouragement to those who are struggling with mental illness,grief and heart ache as I have been . One may wonder what can make someone so low that they have or want to or are destructive, I have been told that everything that has happened to me over the past 43 yrs of my life is because of a sinful heart and lack of trusting in God. BULL HOCKEY!!! is what I say to those who claim that over me. Yes I have sin in my life from time to time....I'm not perfect haven't met anyone that is. But I have also been saved and cleansed by Gods saving grace and do my best to ask Christ forgiviness every day. I know that God loves me and is a forgiving God to those who ask for it. Truth is is God created all of us and loves the sinner but hates the sin as the cliche goes...It does NOT give us the right to sin though. I believe that a majority of my depression stems from not only circumstances but also because of physical health issues ...Like a messed up thyroid which is what I have. So in short I am praying for people who stumble upon this to have compassion for those of us who struggle sometimes silently with these disorders and many more like Schizophrenia and other mental health disorders and if you believe in prayer to the one true God then pray for us. These illnesses can be treated though not always affordable in some peoples minds. Some insurances do suck but I do believe and this is what is going to get me "crucified " that it is .... at least there is some form of help out there for everyone whether it be spiritual medical or financial....just some people don't know how or are afraid to reach out for it and give up and do foolish things such as murder ext. I know and have had people argue with me that there are many "woman as well as men "in abusive relationships that can't get the help and to some degree I agree with that, but I know of others who have risked their lives and are doing well because they were able to get out of that abusive relationship by finding a way to contact a safe place or person. Some it has taken years to find a positive way out I realize that and am proud of your couragous spirits. I encourage you abusers as well to take a good look at yourselves your pasts, and the way you treat others seek counseling before you wind up hurting or even killing someone worse than you may already have. I have been a victim but now a survivor of all kinds of abuse from people like you and want to plead with you to seek help before you destroy more than just yourself once you destroy a life be it physically ,emotionally,verbally you will never get it back or be able to fully keep it.....maybe you might think you can physically but someday we will all stand before God and answer for our actions and loose whatever or whomever you supposedly value

I Will Go On [Live]

I Think I can ........I think I can .....I think I can

I KNOW I CAN!!! . Hi! my name is Laura (AKA Holly Hobbie . ! wil be posting more about special needs ext as I go along. But today what is on my mind is to talk about mental illness and it effects it has on me. I am going to be real as real as I can be. I have been diagnosed with three mental illnesses which have been debilitating at timess but God is with me and is my strength when i am week. Since my kids were transfered to the same group home with other special needs children . I have found myself having to be the stronger one in our marriage. I am not complaining God made it clear to me that it was my turn to hold my husbands up when he is weak. Only those who have or are in our situation or have lossed Children to the government or worse death can fully understand what we are going through. I know that God has a plan for me and maybe one day I will see the full extent of it, but for now I am choosing to be loving and forgiving. That is one of the things keeping me going that and my support list of people and of course God. I can't deny that suicide sometimes claims my mind but I am lucky to have Jesus and God in my life as well as long list of supportive friends and family who are constantly there telling me" it's okay you'll make it through hold on to your faith in Jesus and don't let Satan drag you down that's what he want to do" Others have told me they honestly didn't know what to say but that they would pray for us. My friends that is the best thing you can do for us that and pray. Telling me my autistic children are "better off where they are at" or that "maybe you needed the break Laura and S. (hubby) hurts more than one will ever know. I think I said this in another post but felt it all bared repeating. But I digressed away from my original intent of this post.....maybe that was Gods intent. I have been told I am sinning when I get depressed because I am not fully relying on God. That is something that could drive a depressed person to suicide especially if they are not Christian. It puts a bad taste towards Christians in their mouths. I go to a place that is called Gathering Hope House a couple times a week. Where I see people suffering from all kinds of mental health disorders it is a recreational/learning center that helps those like me deal with a variety of situations like how to stand up against abusive ignorent people.They also have a gym,art room and much more. I myself am an abstract drawer and love to color and much more i also love to go on the computers there and much more. It is also a great place to go when you are feeling down because of the staff. They are a really compassionate group of people.. Well I can ( to use a big word " pontificate " go on and on but I am going to end this blog with my quote of the day .......With God I think I can ,I think I can I know i can !!!.

Can I have your attention please

I am writing this blog from sixteen years of experience of having special needs kids. My two teenage autistic blessings were or I should say had to be put in group/facility homes on February 8and 11. It has been difficult coping with out them the grief and so many questions and the want to blame ourselves is there but I will get through it. Yes we get to see them but they are an hour and a half apart in different directions. In spite of the grief I am going to continue this blog. Studying and learning how to help educate those who are curious about certain disabilities ext. With that being said and it being Autism Awareness month I am going to give 6 Things you should never say to any parent(special needs or not ) that is grieving a loss of a child be it through death or placed in someone elses care. 1)There in a better place where they will be well taken care of. 2)At least you have other children to take care of 3)Sometimes God allows things like this to happen to you so you can help others(their is a time and a place to say that..tequinically not in the first hours or days of a childs departure from this earth or in my case from my home. 4)How did your child die ? Or why were they taken from you ? 5)Maybe if you had more faith in God this would not have happened 6)God knew you needed to rest from the burdens of caring for you child What can you to help grieving parents.....to be continued.