A life worth living

It has been a few months since i have posted and my roller coaster of a life has been just that. I had a nervous break down on Sept 9th and wound up in the hospital for six days. It is easy to get caught up in the roller coaster of life and I did just that I allowed myself to forget who I was in Christ and fell into the pit of despair, start to blame God for my current circumstances and that is what i started to do and began to go to that dark place and let the devil tell me it was time for me to ...yes end a life that wasn't mine. I knew from the start that i would be destroying more than one life that not only did I have two children that needed me even though (I don't get too see them much) I developed a long list of friends and family that i knew i would have to answer to but most of all reminded myself that Jesus and God would be the ones I would have to answer to first and for most. I have done a lot of soul searching.repenting,purging and surrendering to God over the past couple of months and am back to seeing myself worth in a stronger powerful light. While I may not be able to be there for my children right now I can be there to help someone else children and other parents as well. Bitterness and hate has no place in my heart right now just love and forgiveness towards those who took my Children. I do not envy there job it's hard to make the right decisions sometimes in it and they wind up hurting the ones they are supposed to help more than helping. I rather feel sorry for them because they never did got to see the good years and times we had with our children and I often pray they make the right decisions instead they saw the destructive side of my kids and over looked our efforts to try to help them and get them the help that only poor people like us could afford. Oh one of them told me that they had 4 kids and understood what we were going through..um sorry no they didn't none of her kids were special needs..and yes we were lied to and tricked into signing my daughter into the "temporary custody " of my daughter only to find out it was partianl later on. Could it be that we could have tried to sue ! Yes !!! but they have their word against ours since we weren't able to record it properly........am I bitter towards these ladies ? I was but God allowed me to see that by letting their miss deeds or wrong doings bother me to the point of bitterness and hate I was giving them power and control over me. So a couple a months a go I wrote them a letter telling them that I could not let them control me and let them destroy whats left of my life and that I was going to use their miss deeds to help others and in essence become a stronger person I ended the letter telling them I FORGAVE them. Friend if you so happen to stumble on this somehow not that forgiveness is a powerful thing it is so freeing. Do I miss my children? !! Deeply and dearly . Does my heart ache ? YES a hundred times over. Have I blamed myself ? Yes at times then I realize that gives the powers that be control over me and destroys me not them. What purpose does Hate serve ???